just you and me.

i feel like i’m beating a dead horse with this one, but here it goes. why isn’t God enough? why do we tell ourselves that we want him to be enough, but then turn around and put our worth in so many other things.

God has been reminding me of this alot lately. a few weeks ago i was listening to tenth avenue north’s cd whe i actually stopped and listened to the words. if you haven’t seen this band live, you should know their frontman is one of the most engaging and knowledgable and godly performers i’ve ever encountered. he has such profound truths that he shares between songs, and each song conveys such depth and insight.

for example, i was listening to “by your side” and it struck me how much i needed to hear that song and live out its message.

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face,
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me, where will you run?
To where will you run?

I’ll be by your side,
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you.

Look at these hands and my side.
They swallowed the grave on that night.
When I drank the world’s sin,
So I could carry you in
And give you life.
I want to give you life.

these words are such truth. why do we search for love anywhere but in Christ, as if he isn’t enough to satisfy us?

and on a separate note, why do we even THINK we are capable of earning grace. its just not possible.

this tuesday’s chapel was a time of communion, but it was a different type of service. we were served an unusally large portion of the elements to illustrate how God abundantly blesses us, and instead of participating in worship, the worship leader simply put a melody to different passages of scripture. so despite my attempt to sing along, i was unable to. and that was the point.

it was all a gift. just like grace.

we can’t earn it. we can only receive it.

i think i need to apply that truth to alot of aspects of my life. =)

 

p.s. tomorrow is “Hug a Ginger” day…get excited (:

.death.

life is like a dandelion. at first, it is a beautiful yellow flower. this flower then transforms into the plant that you see in the picture above. from this stage, all the white seeds on the plant are blown off and scattered, starting new plants. after its seeds are scattered, there is no purpose for the naked stem, so the plant dies.

such is life.

recently i feel like i’ve been hearing about death alot. one boy from Siloam Springs high school was killed in a 4-wheeling accident. another committed suicide the day after his girlfriend broke up with him. (think about how the girlfriend is dealing with all of this right now…) the atheist friend of one of my good friends committed suicide, and he was there to comfort this boy’s twin brother. talk about tough.

and of course the situation closest to home for me has been the death of my grandpa 2 weeks ago.

he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Oct. 10. He died Oct. 31. thankfully, my mom, dad and rusty were able to fly out to monterey, ca and be with him for the last week of his life.

it pains me that i wasn’t there to say goodbye. it pains me that i can’t remember the last phone conversation i ever had with him. as much as i know how important it was for me to be at school, that doesn’t change the fact that i regret not being there.

but as i returned from monterey this past weekend for his memorial service, i was able to reflect on his life. i learned a few things that i didn’t know about him this weekend. that he was so proud of his family and his country (he was a navy captain). that he knew and loved more people than i will ever know in my lifetime. that everyone felt privileged to know him. that people regarded him as a great man. things i’m not surprised to hear, but impacting nonetheless.

so, back to my analogy. i feel like my grandpa was a great example of a well-lived life. i don’t know much about his faith, but i know this much.

he started out life as a successful pilot in the navy. he served his country in vietnam and continued to move up in ranks. but the majority of his life was spent pouring into people. just as the dandelion seeds are released and invested in healthy soil, so my grandpa invested in others. he was intention about his relationships. he showed he cared. and he helped people become admirable ambitious change-agents in society, bringing a new sense of life to the world, just as a dandelion does.

and when he had fulfilled his purpose, God called him home to party it up with him forever in heaven. =)

as trite as this analogy may be, i feel like its an accurate depiction of what our life should be like. we are poured into and able to bloom, and then spend the rest of our life pouring out.

the song “In Christ Alone” has always had a profound impact on me, but today in chapel, with the idea of death in the forefront of my mind, these words became more real to me than they had ever been before.

no guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me.

from life’s first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

no power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from his hand.

til he returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ i stand.

how do you want to be remembered?

i couldn’t help but use this picture…

while JBU is not a large, widely diverse school, it is in no way a school of cookie-cutter people. We have lots of ethnic diversity and students who come from all kinds of backgrounds.

but its easy to get so comfortable in my little circle of friends (who are often alot like me) that i never get to experience the diversity our school has to offer.

just recently i realized how many different kinds of people i know. and when i think of some of those people, i realize i would never have been friends with them in high school. don’t take that the wrong way, its just that we would never have crossed paths.

but maybe my problem in high school is that i wasn’t willing to take a detour off of my own comfortable path.

two distinct examples come to mind, the first being working for the school newspaper. the diverse types of people on the newspaper staff is astounding. haha. we have the democrats and the republicans, the cavalier and the conservative, the very vocal and the soft-spoken. along with all of this, almost everyone is in a different ‘friend group.’ but every tuesday night, we all come together to work on the paper. it’s such a funny dynamic, but i really like it. i see them across campus during the week and we have decent conversations. we share classes and homework. we share complaints and celebrations, and sometimes we’re the only ones who understand what we’re talking about.

another great example of this is the lsi team. the team is composed of a biblical studies major, family and human services major, accounting major, engineering major, and a journalism major. like the newspaper, we are pretty much all in different friend groups. but i know the hearts of these people better than most others on campus. we work together so closely that it’s hard not to form such a tight bond.

all this to say that i’m glad i have such diverse friendships at school. God calls us to spend time with people from all backgrounds and to accept people for who they are, not the potential they have of making you more popular.

its easy for me to jump to conclusions when meeting people. i feel like within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone i decide if i think we will be good friends or not. Jesus says in his sermon on the mount in matthew 7, “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

instead of judging people on first impression, i need to be open to how God is going to use this relationship in both of our lives. you never know what may happen….

God’s sense of humor

we’re not the only ones who enjoy a good laugh.

sometimes things are so ironic that you just know it can’t be coincidence.

last night lauren and i had a nice long heart-to-heart. in one aspect, it was good for us to be able to share our struggles and bear each others burdens, but on the other hand, we were basically subconsciously saying, “God, you’re not enough.”

after this chat, we went straight to chapel. and low and behold, the ENTIRE chapel was a time of worship, singing songs that continually reiterated God’s goodness.

your grace is enough for me

you are my shield, my strength, my portion, my deliverer, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need.

in Christ alone my hope is found, he is my light, my strength, my song. here in the love of Christ i stand.

before the throne of God above, i have a strong and perfect plea; a great high priest who’s name is love who ever lives and pleads for me.

throughout the service, i could just imagine God chuckling from up above. he heard our cry, and responded by showing us over and over again of his sufficiency. Its like he was saying, “Look! I’m enough! It amazes me how often you forget this!”

how is it that God knows what we need, even when we don’t come to him first? we try to find our worth and satisfaction is so many earthly things, and God continues to gently (or not so gently) remind us that He is to be our everything. without him, all else fails.

last night i realized how blessed i am to be at such a wonderful school with such wonderful friends with so little troubles and such a loving family back home. who am i to be complaining about ANYTHING?

if i am passionately pursuing Christ and making Him my everything, nothing else matters.

so i make this my prayer and my declaration.

“Whom have I in heaven but you?
Earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”

-psalm 73:25-26

“I will bless the Lord forever,
And I will trust Him at all times.
He has delivered me from all things,
And He has set my feet upon the Rock.”

-Hillsong

give up control

lately i’ve been clinging to things of this earth. it bothers me how caught up i get in the things of this world. how we get so possessive and selfish about what we think we deserve.

my dear friend meg and i were talking just yesterday about living life with an unclenched fist. she had this great analogy that i’m going to share with you. our material possessions or earthly satisfying pleasures are like a small penny. one cent. but we cling so tightly to this penny’s worth that we refuse to give it up. all along, Christ is trying to tell us, “If you just open your hand and give up your penny, I can give you $100!”

simplistic as that analogy may be, it holds great truth (thanks, meg). how often do we complain about what we don’t get or take for granted what we have?

for example, i was hoping to go home this weekend to surprise my family. after being at kamp this summer for the last 6 weeks before school and only being home 3 days before i headed up to JBU, i haven’t spent much time with my family lately. I realized that i am unable to go home for for at least the next 4, maybe 5 weekends, so if i didn’t go home this weekend, i would have to wait until the end of October, which means i would have spent only 3 days home in 16 weeks. that thought killed me.

after figuring out that i wouldn’t have a ride home this weekend, and therefore wouldn’t be making the trip, i was really upset. but then i realized how selfish i was being. how many college students go to school far away from home and don’t make it back until Christmas? that’s definitely at least 16 weeks. they don’t have the option of just hopping home for the weekend or having their family come visit whenever they feel like it. how concieted of me to think that i deserved a chance to go home.

i came to this conclusion. if God wasn’t making a way for me to go home anytime soon, he must have a purpose for me here. while my plans don’t always (almost never, in fact) line up with what God has in mind, then he must have work for me here. it’s my responsibility to embrace where He has placed me and glorify him here at jbu.

but God rewards those who submit to Him. I’ve seen this time and time again, and it’s the coolest thing. when i finally relinquished the control (i thought that i had) on my situation, God stepped in and blessed me for my obedience. yesterday, we prayed in my lsi meeting that i would be content with where God has me and that he would use me where he has placed me, and sure enough, not one hour later, i found out that i had a ride back to little rock for the weekend.

God is good!

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” If we  unclench our fist and relinquish that small penny to God, he will bless us in ways we could only dream of.

We serve a God who delights in his creation. A God who is pleased when we are joyful. Who desires to bless us when we are putting our trust in him.

Live your life with an open palm…its amazing what God can do when we are willing to let him take control.

still amazing grace

this week in Old Testament, we read about God’s holy justice. 2 samuel 6 tells the story of uzzah, a levite who was escorting the ark of the covenant to jerusalem. the ark started to slip off the cart and uzzah reached out to stop it from falling to the ground. instantly the Lord killed uzzah for touching the ark (it was forbidden to do so, as stated in the book of numbers).

two things struck me about this passage and the research i did on holy justice. first of all, i read something pretty profound. in r.c. sproul’s book on holiness, he says in his chapter ‘holy justice’ that uzzah was not killed because of a gut-reaction that he had to prevent the ark’s fall, but rather he was killed for his arrogance. arrogance, you might ask? i, too, was puzzled at first. but then i read this line that really stopped me in my tracks.

“Uzzah assumed that his hand was less polluted than the earth…[but] the earth is an obedient creature.”

ohhh man. uzzah just assumed that God would rather have the ark touch the hand of a human rather than touch dirt. but think about it. how are we better than dirt? the dirt never disobeys God. the dirt never disowns God. the dirt never replaces God with idols.

“the earth is an obedient creature.”

re-read that and think about the implications that has on your life. how often to we assume that we are better than not only dirt, but better than many human beings? we pride ourselves in our extensive involvement in church, or our endless community service accolades. we consider ourselves better than the homeless man we pass by each day. we certainly consider ourselves better than dirt. but are we really?

there was a second thing that really struck me about this idea of holy justice. so often we are appalled when God uses His power to punish people. but in reality, He has His reasons. we are so used to him extending his grace and mercy that we are shocked when the seemingly endless supply of mercy ends. as sproul said, “God’s grace is not infinite.”

“Instead of taking advantage of this patience by coming humbly to Him for forgiveness, we use this grace as an opportunity to become more bold in our sin.”

why do we take grace for granted? why is it so often that we are amazed by His justice, and not His grace?

this song is has so much truth in it. not only are the words powerful, but the melody is glorious. click here to hear a recording of it on youtube.

“You’re Grace Still Amazes Me”

My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again

Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

annnd…

i was told by the nurse lady that apparently i “have good veins.” ehh..i’ll take whatever compliments i can get. =)

peaceful madness

these last few days i feel like i’ve been going 100 miles an hour, 24/7, not even stopping collect $200 after passing go. it seems like i go from class to lunch to meetings to homework to dinner to more meetings and events to bed. although i consider myself someone who thrives on staying busy, this is just nuts.

ironically, our chapel speaker, margaret feinberg, has been speaking on the very topic of listening for God’s voice. the sermon at sager creek last sunday was on this very topic as well. like feinberg said on tuesday, sometimes we don’t hear God’s audible voice, but we can begin to understand what He’s saying when we notice ironic repititions in our lives. case and point: while this sounds elementary, the repetition of this same topic twice in 3 days is PROBABLY an indication that God is trying to tell me something. something along the lines of: KARIS, LISTEN TO MY VOICE!

i love the new king james version of 1 kings 19:11-12. elijah obeys God’s command to go into the desert and listen to the Lord.

And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

the still, small voice of the Lord. now how the heck am i going to hear this still, small voice when i’m so busy i can’t find time to eat dinner? i probably would not hear someone if they were yelling at me through a megaphone.

we need to make time to listen to God’s voice. this isn’t always easy when i have mountains of homework looming over me, while i’m quickly running out of hours in the day when i am still coherent.

chris tomlin’s songs are full of daily truths. one song we sang in chapel last week has really stuck with me. its words are pretty much applicable any time, any day.

A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness
This is our God
A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful
This is our God

find those few minutes today when you can rest in the peacefulness of Christ. He waits in eager expection for those moments with you.

for the record, thought i should give you a sneak peek into the kind of life that i and my fellow academic scholars live at this fine university. this is lauren heroically delivering the iced coffee we got kate during our study break. that’s right: she’s wearing a mcdonald’s bib. except it’s a cape. yeah, we’re pretty cool (:

another day, another balloon

this summer at kamp (and yes lauren i’m spelling kamp with a “k” because that’s how we do it at KanaKuK), chad showed us counselors the 99 Balloons video. if you haven’t seen it, click here. if you don’t want to take the time to watch it, make the time. it’s only 6 out of the 1,440 minutes you have today. it’s worth it. and i’m writing the remainder of this post with the assumption that you’ve watched the video, so now you have to watch it to know what i’m talking about. hah.

this video is not only a story of one family’s tragic loss, but it’s a testimony of how we should live our lives. eliot’s parents never knew how long their son was going to live. they didn’t even expect him to live to birth. but he did. and even though he only lived 99 short days on earth, his parents made those the best 99 days a child could ever have. i’m convinced that no child has been more loved than this little guy. every day was a treasure to those parents. they celebrated the first month of life like it was the biggest birthday milestone of his life. and when they lost their little boy, they continued to praise the Lord. like it says at the end of the video,

“God gives. God takes. God’s name be ever blessed.” Job 1:21

At first I thought to myself, how would we live each day if we didn’t know how many days we had left? But then i thought about that question and realized the answer: we don’t know how many days we have left! for all we know today could be our last day on earth. now i’m not trying to sound morbid here, but, like the verse says, God give and takes away. who knows when he will choose to take us from this earth.

with that in mind, we need to live each day as if it were our last day on earth. who have you wanted to share Jesus with, but have just been putting off talking to them? who have you been harboring bitter feelings towards, just waiting to resolve conflict until later. (as i’m writing this, i’m realizing that i’m basically talking to myself here). seriously though, thomas jefferson hit the nail on the head when he said,

“why put off tomorrow what you can do today?”

at kamp we were given a deflated balloon to keep with us as a reminder of this story. it’s still tied to my watch (although a little more brown in color than it’s original pink hue), and each day it reminds me to live SOLD OUT for my creator.

how much more of an impact could we have on this world if we lived each day as if it were our last?

…on a seperate note, as i head to bed my precious friend (and basically sister) erin is somewhere over the middle of the atlantic ocean, about to begin a new adventure in IRELAND for the semester. i will miss her quite dearly. i hope she learns a lot, loves a lot, and brings me back a red-headed irish boy so that i may help in furthering the next generation of red heads, which i’ve heard are a dying breed.

don’t believe me? it’s true. check out this disheartening article on the extinction of the gingers: 

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22289183-2,00.html

so much for a happy ending?

so last night i went and saw the movie “500 days of summer” for the second time. i saw it for the first time with erin before we headed back to school, and honestly i was a little disappointed when i left the first time. granted, i didn’t really take the time to process the movie and its message, but let’s be honest: hardly ever do i leave a movie theater having gained some moral lesson about life. usually i just enjoy being entertained for two hours and then i move on with my life…most likely with a few humorous (and possibly inappropriate) quotes that i can share with friends for the next month or so. and that was how i left this movie after my first viewing.

but this time was different. you know how after you’ve seen a movie once, you know that the funny lines are coming, so it’s just not the same? well, since that was the case last night, i got to thinking more about the actual messages this movie was sending. and i found them to be pretty profound.

first of all, if you haven’t seen this movie, you should. the cinematography is brilliant. the soundtrack-phenomenal. and the story is beautifully written (i have a real problem with sucky plot lines).

all that aside, the lessons learned are definitely what make the movie worth seeing. a quick summary of the movie (without spoiling it TOO much): boy meets girl. the girl doesn’t believe in love. the boy has a jaded view of love, thinking that love is exactly how it is portrayed in movies and music (and we all know that is one of our culture’s biggest misconceptions). their relationship evolves into something that neither of them are happy with and, in the end, both learn a lot about love and real life.

life isn’t all about happy endings (and if that’s a news flash to you, come out of the cave you’re living in). But as much as we say we know this for a fact, deep down we all want to believe it’s not. who doesn’t want to have a rewarding job, a loving family, and an above average income? when life falls apart and it appears that it will never be the same, why do we wish for things of the past? because that’s what’s comfortable.

i’ve discovered that i’m pretty much a control freak when it comes to my life. this year has been all about God showing me how much better HIS plan for my life is than my own plan. tom (the main character) hasn’t fully grasped this concept.

the movie also concludes with a poignant theme: things don’t just happen by sheer coincidence. in keeping with the general theme of this movie, you can’t expect the perfect relationship to fall in your lap. tom and summer (the girl) both discover that in order to make anything worthwhile, effort is involved. i think that’s true for most things.

anyway, these two insights i grasped from this movie are both one i feel are pretty relevant to our culture today. love isn’t all sunshine and happiness. and things don’t just happen on their own.

Philippians 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

in other news, i came quite close to burning down my place of residence at good ole JBU when i attempted to cook EasyMac in the microwave without remembering to add water.

good news: fire alarm didn’t go off.

bad news: i had no dinner and everyone in Mayfield is now bitter towards me for the horrible stench. awesome.

and so it begins…

well, i swore i would never get one of these, mostly because i enjoy defying cultural trends. (think myspace, twitter, the now-not-so-popular poncho…) but at the suggestion of my dear friend Tyne, i decided to risk becoming yet another contributing statistic to this increasingly popular phenomenon. my intent for this blog is not to inform people of my most likely uninteresting daily activities, nor is it meant to be a place for me to vent. instead, i hope this will be a place where i can jot down insights and thoughts bestowed on me from my brilliant creator. my hope would be that my words and thoughts would be an encouragement to others…or at least would get them thinking. most of what i say will probably be nothing new or anything of great significance, but it will always be from my heart. 

of course, no one may read this and my entire purpose for this endeavor may be in vain, but if i only effect one person, then i would consider it worthwhile. 

i figured i should start out by explaining the meaning behind the name of my blog. last year i took a worship ministry ensemble class with kayla white. she introduced us to this song by jeremy riddle, and ever since then i can’t seem to get it out of my head. i seriously think about this song several times a week. i never thought one song could have such a profound impact on me. the song is called “full attention.”

[Please keep my eyes fixed on You
Please root my heart so deep in You
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
Keep me abiding
That I may bear fruit]

simple words with profound meaning. ever since i first heard this song, i’ve thought about what it truly means to abide in Christ. the dictionary definition of the word “abide” is [to continue without fading]. with that in mind, i want to live my life pursuing Christ continually, without fading. john 15 says that as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own, we also cannot bear fruit if we are not first abiding in Him. not only are we to abide in Christ, be we are to continue in pursuit of love. john again says “if you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.” by abiding in the Father, Christ sets the example for us.

 

live each day in passionate pursuit of Christ and His love. it never fails. 

 

and now, i will slip into slumber to the sound of sweet rain falling outside my window.